Category Health (mental)

Tooth Brushes and Two Bare Arses

My hiatus from writing has been considerable to say the least. I won’t go into the boring underpinnings of this; suffice to say they are many and have coagulated into a sort of fear slash inertia. I suppose I’m also saying this by way of a caveat. I haven’t written in so long that I’ve […]

Where No Creativity Blooms…

The other night, I stayed up watching The Babadook (2014) until at least 2am. Like the protagonist Amelia, I felt exhausted but the act of sleep itself had become so fraught with anxiety that I forced myself to stay awake, cramming my brain with the toxic ooze streaming out of my laptop. Not that the […]

Less Alan Rickman, more Jane Birkin

What a flabby, pimply, listless mess I’ve become these past few months. So laborious is the prospect of writing, that my muscles have deteriorated into rolls of useless wobbly flesh. When will this treacle-filled trouser sensation wear off so that I might become the spritely vessel of productive exuberance I so long for? But it’s […]

The Yips

On numerous occasions since we’ve been together, the Doc has referred to a period in his youth when he was a rather good fast bowler. Until he got ‘the yips’. Now, being the huge cricket enthusiast that he continues to be, I can discern a slight forlornness in his eyes when we stumble upon a […]

Dot Aversion Therapy

A few years ago, I went to an osteopath who informed me that my ‘lines’ or ‘chords’ or whatever the fuck he called them, were a “mess”. I didn’t care for his subtle-touch, cranial approach at the time—I’m more of the school that if someone’s effectively beating the shit out of me with their elbows, […]

The M Word

In November 2012 I had a miscarriage. It feels as though I’m using the word loosely, even though technically that’s what it was. There was no drama, no blood loss, no bending over in pain. No complications of any sort. It was just one of those things – one moment it was there, and the […]

Imaginary conversations and how I manage depression

A few months back, I got depressed. Not blue or a little bit sad, but throw-myself-on-the-floor, weeping, screaming, bathroom-wall-punching-until-my-knuckles-bleed, jump-in-front-of-a-bus depressed. I would wake up in the morning (from not sleeping) and feel as if I was underwater, the weight of it crushing down on me. My words coming out like bubbling murmurs. An incessant […]