Category Musings

‘It’ll Pass’: Discipline and Breakdowns

Last night I drank a little too much and found myself wide awake at 3am, dehydrated and my mind reeling. The thoughts were rife with paranoia and yet about matters which were so utterly banal, I found myself getting ever more frustrated and therefore further unable to sleep. And rapid thoughts too. So rapid that […]

More Write, Less Rum

When I was 21 and first moved to London, I got my bearings by hanging out with a group of people I knew through the Sydney party scene. A number of them didn’t much care for me, but begrudgingly allowed me to tag along as one of them was dating and living with my close […]

Pastel Shells, Mark Rothko and Meditation

When I was around eight years’ old I had a dream so vivid that the images contained within it have stayed with me ever since. I dreamt that me and three of my friends—Eli, Michael and either Emily or Jessica—went through the door of the Year 7 classroom at our school. The door in my […]

Teetotal: my summer of…fun?

It seems unfestive—malcontented even—to attempt to give up drinking during the summer time, the season being so synonymous with the smell of barbecues and the cheer of get-togethers where a drink in hand is ubiquitous, if not essential. But that is precisely what I intend to do. There is a passage early in his book My […]

Poached Chickens and Blood Eagles

During my period of ‘confinement’ whilst pregnant with my first child, a friend of mine lent me his box set of The Tudors to keep me entertained. It worked, although it also sent me into quiet emotional turmoil as I watched despairingly at the grisly punishments meted out amongst characters. I remember ruminating quite extensively […]

Where No Creativity Blooms…

The other night, I stayed up watching The Babadook (2014) until at least 2am. Like the protagonist Amelia, I felt exhausted but the act of sleep itself had become so fraught with anxiety that I forced myself to stay awake, cramming my brain with the toxic ooze streaming out of my laptop. Not that the […]

Subcutaneous Fat

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about the pool of ideas. Largely because I seem bereft of them at the moment, lumbering about in a great fog as I am. That bothersome fog. That fog which seems to endlessly shroud my brain, sealing off my ability to think clearly, to hold a sustained thought, to […]